Don't Mess with Old People!!!

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ''Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.''

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,'' says Grandpa. ''How about a demonstration?''

The auditor thought for a moment and said, ''Okay. Go ahead.''

Grandpa says, ''I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.''

The auditor says, ''It's a bet.''

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, ''Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'' The auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

''Want to go double or nothing?'' Grandpa asks ''I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between.''

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?'' the auditor asks.

''Not really,' says the attorney. ''This morning, when he told me he'd been summoned for an audit he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!''

The moral: Don't Mess with Old People!!!

Fact or Crap?

Sherwood Forest is a real place.
Fact! It is located in England’s Nottinghamshire, which lies north of London. The forest served as a hunting preserve for many English kings, and in the 1800s, tourists began flocking to the area to see the land where the legendary Robin Hood lived.

Last week saw off the deepavali celebrations. It was fun though i did not light any crackers, it is always a pleasure to see the night sky embellished with bright colours. yes ! nice from a distance :) I also went to the movie "Finding Nemo" on saturday. I remember going to chicago earlier this year. Nov 5th Matrix revolutions releases( so another movie). So many movies!!

You might be a physics major if...

YOU MIGHT BE A PHYSICS MAJOR...

* if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
* if you enjoy pain.
* if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
* if you chuckle whenever anyone says 'centrifugal force.'
* if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
* if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.
* if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
* if you always do homework on Friday and Saturday nights.
* if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
* if you think in 'math.'
* if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
* if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
* if you have a pet named after a scientist.
* if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
* if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
* if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says 'Exit.'
* if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
* if you are completely addicted to PhysLink.com.
* if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
* if you consider ANY non-science course 'easy.'
* if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
* if the 'fun' center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
* if you'll assume that a 'horse' is a 'sphere' in order to make the math easier.
* if you understood more than five of these indicators.
* if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

Pretty = Beautiful

ooh i almost forgot, a boy from friendster sent me this. he's not even in my friends list and i swear i've never met him before....

how are you feeling today, baby?
are you feeling blue, or happy?
by looking at your picture,
looks like you are happy, and wacky as ever,
but if you are feeling blue,
then i would like to entertain you,
because you are the most interesting girl i've met in
friendster,
making you happy definitely makes me feel better,
so tell me how you feel, baby,
i'll take you out of your miseries,
btw, i've got something to tell you,
now, i kinda miss you,
you're always on my mind,
almost all the time,
am i a psycho or something?
is my life so boring?
or maybe you've been so great to me,
what do you think, baby?
do you think i'm crazy?
well, i think you're cute, and pretty... :)

pretty = beautiful

ha ha...charming!

A Three-Year-Old's Self Evaluation

Children are so honest. Witness this conversation with daughter:

D: Mommy, what's an imp?
M: It's someone who is silly and mischievous. When you and your brother are rambunctious and clown around, you're being imps.
D: Brother is an imp. I'm not an imp. I'm a pill.
M: What's a pill?
D: Somebody who is whiny and cries a lot.

Well there you go: the completely honest core of a three-year-old.

ayam kernel!

hey. i just got back from sect 13. had teh tarik and tom yam ayam with enamiix. heh.

before that, i went to sect 3. met farhana, she gave me her psychology book. ooh i met her friend, hana. she's nice!

Happy Birthday Jack!

My puppy is 2 years old today. He's still very much a puppy - licking, shaking his tail into everything, and loves to follow me around EVERYwhere. I open the cellar door and he RUNS from wherever he is in the house to join me. You're going downstairs, mommy? Can I watch you doing laundry? OO, are you going out to the porch? Can I join you? How about me almost knocking you down the stairs at every chance?

He is trained - he actually went to puppy camp last summer, so he does listen well. In fact, he listens better than Maggie a lot of the time. Maggie is STUBBORN. Jack will come back with ONE call. We got both dogs as 7-week-old pups, and boy, have they GROWN!

And he is a LOVE. He likes to curl up on your lap and snuggle in. Someone should tell him that he is a DOG. Nah. I like him this way. I like him climbing in the dishwasher when I clean up. Sorta.

So Jack, my furry buddy - my hairy little friend, happy birthday! And thanks for crappying on the carpet the other day.

Bow, BOW!

Sweetpea helped me write this post, since, after all, Blue is her FAVORITE character EVER!

Toffee and almonds

hello. haih. thank god sunday will be over soon. i hate sundays. the most unproductive day of the week. even going out will not be fun on a sunday except for some rare occasions. haih. for the record, i stayed home the whole day. okay i did went out for teh tarik with enamiix this morning, but i was back home by 1100. haih! bloody sunday!

i was msn-ing justnow and i came across a long lost friend of mine. it felt good bumping into him online. his name is zafry and he's doing mechanical in rmit, melbourne. he sent me his picture and he's a grown man now! personally, i think he looks like john mayer. ;)

what am i doing here? i'm suppose to be studying now. later!

I Need to Change my Ringtone Now

I had it all set. Today I was gonna go to BJs to get some shopping done ALONE. Ah, thoughts of bliss. Hubby is working from home this week, and I planned my trip out when the kids were down for rest/nap time. You know, because I was being all thoughtful of the big man. And when I left, he was working on the bills.

Look, I don't really like to whine about the spouse. I really don't complain to many others than you, and I'm just not comfy with doing it most days. He's a good guy, but sometimes he's HUMAN. Like I am. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO human sometimes. Anyway, in "real life," noone hears it. And the only person to hear it was my bestest bud today. (gotta love a vent, eh?) I just DON'T bitch about him into too many ears. But he blew my "afternoon of bliss." And I probably didn't help matters.

Now let me say that we pay most bills online, and most of them my Hubby takes care of. NO sweat. Before I left, I asked him if I should stick around to offer help with the bills. No, it's all fine is what I got. And what I got, when I pulled up to BJs , was "what is the online password for such and such?" Do I know? Off the top of my head? Most online users names and passwords are the same, but those were no help to him. The ones I have are saved either in my day planner or on the actual site on MY computer. Nah, he wanted to take care of them THEN, and wanted to put ALL the passwords on HIS computer.

Sigh. After about 6 phone calls (including getting asked "who the heck are you text messaging?" - I guess he looked at my cellphone bill!) his tone chilled out and his guilty conscience rang thru. By the time I got home, I got "can I help you with the groceries, dear?" Yeah, you can help me alright. See, I am not the most organized person. I used to be. I used to be in business for myself and used to keep track of everything in my day planner. I would be punctual. Sure, I've always been a procrastinator, but hey, we all have to have SOME ticks, RIGHT? So if I was more organized, I could've led him to my day planner on my desk, where all of my passwords are listed.

BAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OOPS! Whoa... um....
Sorry, I had to pick myself off the floor there.

So Hubby apologized, and I said that frustrating him is part of my charm. Dontcha love marriage? I love him dearly, but yowza. And shit, can I try going to BJs again tomorrow, when I can enjoy the slabs of tomato sauce and aisles of vacuum cleaners with a spring in my step instead of a cellphone in my EAR? Can I get a do-over?

HELL yeah!

What can i say, she's the imperfect that i grew to love....

tyiara, there are many things that i've heard about her from a whole lot of people. good and bad things. but above all that, i love her. i love her so much, no words could describe how much i appreciate her. i'll put her first in line, even my boyfriend won't be on the same par. i will support her in every decision that she made and i will be by her side when the whole world is against her. i promise you that. as i told you, you're not just a bestfriend, you're my family.

i still remember, when we were 14, in her dorm, we pricked our thumb with pin, and we combined blood and said 'til death do us part'. i know that was silly but we were 14 and we were the best of friend. even if it's not much, her blood still runs in my body somewhere. maybe that's why i can't trigger her out. maybe that's why i miss her so much. maybe that's why i grew to love her more and more each day. she's the best thing that've ever happen to me.

i would give her my life if i have too.

lara is a very good friend. lye is a superb side-kick! (carl is a shhtoopid boy!! ha ha ha!!)

VOICES OF MALAYSIA: friends of BN (he he he!!)

i wanna go mandi.

adi will be calling later.

a lot of things to write.

time does not permit.

maybe later!

- how? why? hmm....

Yesterday was fun!

Went out with Linda for some movies, but we end up waling in and out of every single (except for Escada, BCBG Maxazria and some other stores which would make my debit cards cry) store. Mean Girls was okay..it reminds me of the girls...nvm...

hello again.. that calc test was hard. I was shaking through that. Damn it was hard!! as hard as an erected cock. But what the hell; one down, two more to go.

stuffing gum paper...

hey...me dad bought me this yesterday. i was so happy and am still happy now! wheeeee!

2F2F was okay. but some part of it was quite suspen. heh. but i'm looking forward to watch LXG. it'll come out next thursday. haih. bestnyerrr!

my dad's leaving for umrah later. imma go have breakfast with him now. chiow!

We (me and Ude) went to watch man on fire and it was awesome. I can feel that the black blood is in my veins, rite when I was born. But i was to ignorant to know the fact. John W. Creasy was rite. "revenge is a meal best served cold". I'm half Malay and half African. Yeah. Hail to my long lost sistas and brothas.

I woke up at 9.30 a.m. An exciting achievement for my daily routine. Even Shahir woke up later than me. I AM SO LAZY TO STUDY FOR THAT GODDAMN PHYSICS TEST! Can we please cancel the Physics exam and do something else? I called home last nite and talked to Saty, Mak and Papa. Everyone is pretty happy with themselves.

sometimes you start a little pet project like this and you have every intentions of keeping it up to date. but such is the professional world, you get busy at work, you don't have time to log on and the last thing i want to do when i get home is spend time reliving that days absurdities.

before you know it, you forgot you even started this side project.

but then, you get hit with some insanely ignorant bullshit question that actually makes you stand back in awe and say to yourself "i need to do something about this. i should start a site where i can vent these frustrations, show the world that yes, companies succeed, they grow by leaps and bounds, all on the input and collaboration of the intellectually challanged"

and it dawns on you that you already did that. so with that, here was todays comment that made me rediscover this blog.

i was asked by someone in Sales, what price a new title would be sold for.

don't people in Sales have meetings to discuss these types of things?

i apologize, i was about to go on a rant of how extremely unknowlegable most Sales people are of the product they've made their CAREERS out of selling, their profession of choice is to SELL (Sales 101, right at the top of the Sales For Dummies pamphlet, the first bullet point is "know what price you are selling for dipshit"), but then that would be too easy, like taking candy from a baby, but this baby is retarded... and has no legs... and no opposable thunbs to even hold the candy which you are taking.

and what kind of sick fuck are you that you would take candy from a handicapped, retarded baby.

I Am a CLOWN!

Now I have a thing about clowns. They kinda FREAK me out. But I was just nominated for Class Clown over at An Island Life and now you can all vote for me so I can WIN! Yes...WIN!! It's the First Annual Bloggy Hoss Elections, and I want to win VERY badly! I didn't win a senior class superlative in high school (although I SHOULD'VE, but that silly saxophone player girl beat me out, the band geek! Wait, I was a band geek, too... shit...) so go vote!

I think I only get the title, but oh my, how glorious it would be! So get over to An Island Life between Saturday, July 7th (tomorrow) and Tuesday, July 10th. I'm not sure how many times you can vote, but I'd appreciate just 1 from all 15 of you.

I will bribe you with everything I can get my hands on and send to you via UPS. PLEASE! I just want a little old title. Is that SO much to ask for? HMMMMMMMM?

(Say it with me - cookies of your choice, cookies of your choice...)

And whoever nominated me for this award, thanks a million. You TOTALLY made my day. Seriously!

Have a great weekend, everyone! XOXO

Unleash the HOUNDS!

Hubby had a wonderful idea today - why don't I bring the dogs to the dog park for a little run? There was some rain overnight last night, and they were calling for thunderstorms for the late afternoon and evening, but there was a nice window of nice (albeit humid) weather, perfect for a little pooch exercise. Hubby was working, kids were resting. I actually like taking the dogs out to the park alone - it's a relaxing time. Pups, want to go for a ride? Circle, circle, bark, squeak, WOOF!

When I got there today, there was 1 other car there, with the owners and the pooch playing in the field. Btw, this field has a fench on the side where the entrance is, with 2 gates along it. We used to live closer to this park, but we still manage to drive there when we can, to give the dogs a big field to run and play. And this park entertains all sorts. Young, old, nice dogs, mean dogs. There are rules. And there are nice people and biotches.

Today was the day of the bitch.

Let me explain. I parked RIGHT next to one of the gates, and because my dogs didn't have leashes, my plan was to open the gate door, open the van door and get them into the field asap. Now I am a responsible dog owner, and I have respect for other dogs and their owners. I saw the wench/bitch...ah..OLDER WOMAN with her 3 pups - a golden lab, a pug and a little brown YIPPY Dachshund - drive up. She had them on leashes, BUT I didn't see her bring her dogs into the field through the other gate until it was TOO LATE, I GUESS!

Mind you, I was trying to be quick with my dogs. Parked right next to the gate. I opened the door, then turned to open the van door. Mere seconds. And all of a sudden, I heard a voice resembling my mother's:

CLOSE THE GATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DON'T LEAVE THE GATE OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It rang so loud and so shrill that I think everyone in the 10 town area heard her. I was instantly a 10 year old girl getting in trouble for leaving the door open. "Do we live in a BARN?" My mother was the disciplinarian. The one who wore the pants. The bitch on wheels.

This woman instantly got my hairs up. I shut the gate quickly (as I saw her little yippyskankpup - and I use that term with the most love I can muster - coming towards my ankles, although it would've taken that dog a whole day to get to me, it was so small) and proceeded to get my dogs out of the van, put them on "heel" so they didn't run, because you know, I train my dogs to not run after STRANGERS, and got them into the field safely.

You know, I have no problem understanding that I should be sensitive to others at the dog park, and I have no issue with other people asking me to close the gate. In fact, I could understand an emergency tone to a person's voice, if they were nervous about their dog's safety. But to SCREAM at me? CLOSE THESE, BIOTCH!

Where the HELL were this bitch's MANNERS? Ever hear of the word PLEASE, lady?

I got my poop bags from the dispenser and led my dogs to the other SIDE of the field, where I didn't have to talk to that witch. We played fetch with tennis balls (I use something called a chuckit that makes the balls fly far) and kept to ourselves. And if she said one more WORD to me, I would've unleashed something like, "you know, I expect my preschool children to struggle with manners, but not a grown WOMAN!" I'll be damned if I was gonna take any more crap from this woman. She was probably over on the other side of the field telling all the old people who arrived after me that I was a thoughtful 41 year old who WAS GOING TO LET HER DOGS GET RUN OVER BY A TRUCK BECAUSE, after all, THE PARK WAS ON A ROAD TRAVELED BY 6 TRUCKS A MONTH! Heaven help us. And what would've happened if that little yippyskankpup bit me? I would've dropkicked that beast into next WEEK, I kid you NOT!

Ahem. But I digress.

After a nice 40 minutes of playing, the rain came down, and we all made our way back to our vehicles. And this woman. Ugh. As she drove away, I saw that she was sporting Florida license plates. Let's HOPE that she isn't here for the entire summer. Hopefully she was on her way HOME.